Oh, Superman.

I saw Laurie Anderson in Starbucks in Union Square just before I left for Vietnam. She smiled at me. I smiled back because she looked familiar and I’m friendly like that. But, I digress…

In Asia, and I suppose any poor country, being a Westerner is similar to being famous; people are always vying for your attention. Admitedly when your famous they want you and your attention, and when you’re rich in a poor country they want (usually) your money, but ultimately, the effect is similar. Wherever you go you're not short of attention, be it a street hawker trying to sell you some tat or some kids who call out "Hello" as you walk by. Wherever you go, you're comparatively very rich - even if you're a lowly backpacker.

I think some men develop a strange arrogance that they’d never pull-off, or even attempt, in their own countries; a kind of Superman Complex. I suspect it's the lamest gits who do it because back home they're the people with the least power--kind of like poor-quality TSA officials who get ignored when they're out of uniform but who get to wield a small amount of power at work and consequently milk it. In Asia these guys are easy to spot and seemed more common than they should be.

It does get a bit tiring constantly saying “No” to Motorbike Taxis, Cyclos, Restaurant Hawkers and the like, but it’s not like they’re bugging you for any other reason than they want to make a living; it’s certainly not because any of us whiteys are so special. And over there we are very rich in comparison, pretending we're not is kind of silly and pointless. (I didn't see any Vietnamese take a year off to go find themselves after college or to--slaps back of hand to forehead--get away from their cruel and gruelling music-business jobs for some r n' r traveling around for three weeks). But like the newly famous, there’s a tendency for some to be gauche and arrogant – waving away the pesky little natives with a regal flick of the wrist, as though the attention means anything in the first place, and the dismissive air correspondingly means whitey is just too above it all, too over this shit.

At it’s most obvious it’s the plug ugly bastard with the cute yellow girl--like the French bloke on the plane from Hue to Saigon. He looked like one of the baddie collaborators in a WWII war movie or maybe Quasimodo's ugly mate, she looked like she danced and she was showing way too much skin in her tight Bebe sequinned top and short denim skirt. That doesn’t take much to work out, and it’s more common than I thought it would be. On the plane he was showing her the map in the magazine and what the sick-bag was for (well, not an actual physical demonstration....) as if it were her first time in the air. To their credit (I know, judgemental bastard that I am) she seemed affectionate with him but at some level and to casual eye the reationship seemed uneven. I don't bemoan anyone finding love anywhere, but there's something unsavoury about picking up country girls overseas. Or am I saying that just because I couldn't?

I saw another guy trying to pick up a stunning but very demure Vietnamese girl at Hanoi Airport. She gave off no signs of interest that I could see, but this twat—who looked like he’d not only been hit by one ugly stick but had been beaten daily since he was a child by a whole forest of ugly sticks – was coming onto her. If she’d been in the west she would have been out his league, completely - and maybe he's one of those guys who always plays out of his league? - but the fact he was traveling alone to a resort town in a developing country and dressed like a muppet told me that he probably wasn't. He was simpering and smarmy. If she'd come from New York she would have told him to F*** Off, that much was clear. But she was a nice Vietnamese lady and (probably) wouldn't do that.

There’s a cockiness to some numptys who are plain rude and you know these people wouldn’t dream of behaving this way at home. One geezer walked into the Catholic Cathedral in Hanoi, walked up the aisle, started taking photos during the service, and then walked around again, stepping through groups of praying Vietnamese catholics without so much as an excuse me. Can’t imagine him doing this in a church in the West. I think it’s because that in some way some Westerners can find Asians not quite people because of little perceived commonality between the races and because to a degree, at least in the Cities, you know you're not going to get messed with by anyone as a rule and can float above the local society if you want to. (I know this works the other way too – a quick walk as a Westerner through Ho Chi Minh City or Shanghai will tell you that much - or even smaller towns in China where they’ll shout “Laowai!” as you walk past – it means Foreigner).

The sales tactics are sometimes extreme and persistent but I’ve found calm ignorance works as well as sanctimonious indignation (hawkers leave you alone if they get no reaction-they ain't got time to waste). Whitey walks through the poor areas looking regally at the poor and maybe hoping to pay peanuts for tat to take home ("I got this G.I. Zippo lighter for less than the locals pay for it!"--"Great, do the locals buy fake G.I. Zippo lighters then?"). The Asians see Whitey and start hustling so they can feed their kids. They know you've got money - how else do you fly to the other side of the world and not work for a few weeks? One can’t really complain about being hustled if you walk through a street market as whichever way you cut it, you're waving your wealth around, whether you mean to or not–-if you want solicitous and subtle service go to Bergdorfs where they're calmer about trying to get your cash. I suspect some people get off on the attention and of the dubious power it gives them to be dismissive. In fact, I'd put money on it.

This isn't true of everyone, not by a long shot, but it's true of many. You can see it after a while; the haughtiness, the affected superiority, the lack of respect or interaction. And you know that these tossers back home would be the emasculated cretins who have no power or dignity in their own lives; the guy no one listens to in the office, the bloke who can't get on the packed train. I guess the extreme example of this are the sex-tourists. I didn't see any obvious prostitution while I was there, except for the motorbike taxi guys in Saigon who, after I'd told them several times I didn't want a motorbike taxi ride anywhere, would offer to get me women - the logic of such a sales trail I couldn't quite fathom: don't want a taxi? How about a shag with a whore then? There were a few dodgy looking Karaoke bars and massage places I guess, but the Vietnamese don't seem like an overt people in whatever they do - unless they're motorbike taxi drivers.

And to be fair, as far as dubious-looking relationships go who am I to judge? Ten years ago in New York when I went for my green card interview the Immigration Official thought I was the American marrying my ex-wife into the country as she’s ABC. Now that I think of it, was he saying I'm plug ugly and white and she was cute?