Halong Bay:

Halong Bay is north east of Hanoi, and eventually borders Southern China. I took a two-day boat trip there this week. I'll post photo's when I'm not being oppressed by the pinko-commie regime, but until then I have to say those pinko-commies do a jolly good sightseeing tour.

There were eleven of us on the boat - brits, aussies and a couple of young republican americans. We lucked-out with the people as apart from the muted republican sentiments there weren't any fuckwits (unless maybe I was the fuckwit and they weren't telling me - kind of like if you're playing poker and you don't know who the loser is at the table then it's you). We cruised through the islands, went to see an amazing cave which was surprisingly amazing, and then went swimming near an oyster farm. I got stung by a jellyfish, which wasn't quite what I'd asked for (I didn't do the wee-on-the-sting remedy for the sting that someone I know did in France last year...funny as it was, it didn't work) but I doused it in vinegar and one of the Aussies had some anti-histamines, which was lucky as about 1/2 hour later I could feel the poison spike in the gland under my arm, tingle in my lips, and ache across my back. That wasn't painful so much as creepy. Still, I got lots of attention so what did I care? In two years the story will be that I was wrestling with a giant squid to save a boat full of women from certain death (death by squid? Hmmm...?).

We slept on the boat, replacing the Vietnamese techno music the staff wanted to play (Why is that music so ubiquitous? I don't know anyone who likes it....and you can hear it in western China, northern Vietnam, I-fucking-biza, London, LA....) with some indie-rock and folk. Then one of the American guys tried hitting on the English girls by explaining how to play blues harmonica and I went to bed instead of sniggering behind his back and pointing. I'm maturing, see?

I'll post photo's of Halong Bay when I can. And I won't attempt to describe it, except to say Bond Villains definitely live there. Actually the Vietnamese Government refused permission for a Bond film to be shot there so they went to Thailand instead. Blofeld probably has a souveneir stall in one of the caves by now. It would be more lucrative selling badly photoshopped postcards and overpriced cola than trying to take over the world these days I reckon.

I'm heading south tomorrow. Everyone who'd been south had horror stories of the south - horrible locals, tons touristy of rip-offs and muggings and I wondered why I'd spent my money on a flight to Saigon when I could have just gone down to the East Village on the #1 train.

Arf.

I did hear about a company that arranges "cultural" tours where, for a fee, you go to teach English in China or work at the Terracotta Warriors museum as a guide in Xi'an. That sounds like fun. Here, on the South China Sea, a long way from New York and any responsibilities and any practicalities (like bills...), it's easy to imagine never really going back.