Dallas - Spring Is Here:


Yes it is. And I've been staying in my room watching movies, which has been great. Children Of Men was good - Clive Owen is from my hometown so I like him, especially when he swears in a Coventry accent. Jesus Camp was terrifying, truly. Venus was great too. I guess one's old when one identifies with the Peter O' Toole character. The film made me homesick for London too, or rather, for being in London and in love (although not necessarily with a woman fifty years my junior).





It's good to feel the sunshine and with the clocks going forward it's lighter later, which is also good. Texas is wide and vast and flat outside the window; a gothic kind of flat and empty. (Note the poor people's houses right next to the hotel. Across the street from the hotel-not pictured-is a vast Mall with lots of high-end stores. It must fuck with you being poor and living next to giant Macys, Versace & Gucci stores...? I grew up quite poor--I dont' want to exaggerate my ghetto credentials like all us middle-class people are fond of doing; we never went without in our house, for example, becuase my mum worked hard to keep us together after my dad died. But I still carry it with me. I've only just now started to get rid of my prejudice against money and the moneyed. I'm glad our lack of cash wasn't rubbed in my face when I grew up. There was just a posh part of town that we drove through occassionally but I certainly didn't have to look at a giant retail emporium I couldn't afford to shop in every day. That said, that posh part of Coventry I just mentioned? One day I'm going to buy it and turn it into a car-park. That'll teach the buggers....).


Looking at the horizon stretching forever I kept feeling alternately alone and spooked in turn. I am in contact with friends by text and email and very rarely by telephone - I have friends in LA, NY, London, AZ & Berlin that I stay in touch with. All of them are virtual relationships in that I hardly ever see these people although I spend a lot of time thinking about them. I permanently have one pavlovian eye trained on the message light on my blackberry and feel kind of let down when I just get a work email or text. Incoming texts and emails are like tiny sugar hits all through the day.




This is my hotel room in Dallas. In this room, where the dust floats slowly in the sunlight and where the air is very still, if I sit very quietly and don't move, it's like I'm not in it.