Motorbike Pimps:

I encounted a couple of motorbike pimps in Ho Chi Minh City. I don't like pimps, it's a loser's way to make a living. Their pitch is this: hassle you as you walk along the street in the posh downtown (Dong Khoi) area as you walk past the Gucci stores etc. After about 5 minutes of relentless badgering and when they finally concede you don’t want a motorbike taxi they change tactics and offer to sort you out with some girls, almost in a pantomimed version of what a seedy pimp on a motorbike would say.
"Where you from? Where you going?"
(Whistles in reply)
"You want girls? Very pretty, nice girls, just for you…”
This was kind of annoying - especially when they park their motorbikes in front of you to stop you walking.
So I started to reply, “No thanks mate, but I’d really like to fuck you.”
That did the trick.

I've discovered whistling helps get rid of street vendors too and they ply their trade elsewhere, sooner, for some reason. Today’s top whistles have been Neil Diamond, Peter, Bjorn and John and also Eagles of Death Metal.

Yesterday it was the Bonzo Dog Band’s Urban Spaceman and The Rutles Ouch! The Beatles' Your Mother Should Know is hard-wired into my brain and I keep whistling it everywhere I go. I have no idea why. Suggestions on a postcard please--address them to Richard the Pimpfucker at the usual address. Everyone around here knows who that is.